Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Little confessions.

 Hi, I'm Truth and this is my very first blog entry...

 ...takes deep breath ... 

  Recently I decided to come clean to my husband of ten years about a big secret that I have been keeping and I wasn't exactly sure how to go about making my confessional. Should I wait until the heat of the moment and scream the truth in the throes of passion? Or wait until he was half asleep and whisper it into the darkness? Perhaps I should sit him down with the age old "Honey, we need to talk," which causes him to get that look like I've just hauled off and kicked his truck. After spinning my wheels for a good long while, I decided instead of telling him, I would just show with a power point or something. (Joking)...I suck at power point. 

  Instead I utilized Pinterest and made a board of all the naughty little things I want to do but have been too afraid to admit. (And without delving too deep into my past, lets just say that I was taught from a very young age that my body was something I should be ashamed of. That touching myself is a sin, sex is nasty and the desires and wants of my body are wrong and dirty - to say that I have some issues is putting it mildly) Anyway, several days and three hundred pins later, I felt that I had a board that sufficiently reflected the things that I wanted and desired for our relationship and our sex life.

  That night after our girls were asleep I brought him into our bedroom and pulled up my Pinterest page. Lets just say that he was shocked. He spent several minutes scanning the pins, pausing to look at a few of the more explicit pictures, while I sat sweating bullets. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he looked up at me and said, "There are a lot of dominant/submissive pictures on here." I nodded in agreement, waiting to see what he would say next. 
  "Do you like these?" Again I nodded that I did and said that I hoped that he liked them too. He then asked me if the things happening in those pictures are things that I would enjoy doing myself and I quickly told him that I would like to try all of those things and more. I felt so liberated in my confession, and the fact that he didn't run away horrified and cursing the day I was born, that I went on and kind of let the cat out of the bag...or the panties... (hehe).  I had never felt so honest in my life. I was terrified and gratified all in the same breath.

My confession sounded something like this...

 Yes! I want to submit to you. I want to be tied up, held down, gagged, plugged, smacked, spanked, flogged, scrogged, clamped, collared...I want to kneel before you and be punished by you. I want to stand in the corner with my panties around my ankles. I want you to let me please you and serve you. Yes, I've kinda been lying to you when I said that I have never masturbated when I was younger. The truth is I did it all the time and still do and I want to do it for you while you watch. Yes, I actually DO like porn, especially girl on girl porn. Yes! I like anal, I LOVE my dildo and wish it was bigger and I want you to bend me over your knee right now and spank the shit out of me!
YES!! YES!! YES!!  

Ahem, he was a tad overwhelmed. 

  By the end of my confession I was bawling. Big fat tears pouring down my face and honestly I couldn't help myself; I was so relieved to confess, especially to him, what I have been carrying around for all these years. Even more importantly I was finally honest with myself. Lets face it, I am a woman with certain tastes and ten years of marriage, a lifetime of hiding, ignoring my urges, tamping down my feelings, being ashamed and choking down that damn Kool-aid have not changed my tastes. 

  It took my husband a long time to pick up what I was laying down and to say that he was fully on board with my way of thinking would be a big fat lie and way too easy. (rolling eyes) Of course he did like the idea of watching porn, the anal, watching me masturbate. He even bought me a larger dildo that I lovingly call Big Jimmy, a hot pink butt plug and some really mean nipple clamps. I talked him into a flogger and a leather crop too, which he whips me with sometimes during sex... Yes, these are all improvements from where we were, we are moving in the right direction at least. But see, the thing is, TTWD is a game for him...its fun while were in the bedroom, but he has no intention of letting it develop into a 24/7 lifestyle, which is what I truly desire. 

  So whats a girl to do...Research!! 

  I began researching my options, searching for a compromise, something to start him off slowly and ease him into a more dominant role. In my explorations I came across Domestic Discipline. I had never even heard of DD until I started stalking blogs like some creeper and realized, that while DD is not the ideal situation for me, it at least moves us in the right direction. It is a 24/7 lifestyle, I get to be submissive and accountable, I get rules and consequences and he gets to learn to be more dominant, the true HOH and it is something my husband is willing to try after some initial hesitation when I explained it to him. I would be lying if I said that I am completely satisfied with DD, but it is the closest thing to what I want and beggars can't be choosers, my mother would always say. So I am willing to compromise and give DD a go. (That doesn't mean I have given up on one day receiving my collar...a girl can dream after all)

  So here we go, heading down a path new to both of us. I am excited to begin our journey and see where it leads us and despite the fact that I didn't receive the exact outcome to my little confession as I hoped, I am thankful that he is at least willing to try DD.

  Baby Steps...that's my mantra. 

  I am however uncertain about one little detail and hope that those of you out in blog-land familiar with submission and DD can help me with. I enjoy spankings...I'm not saying that spankings don't hurt, because obviously they do. I guess what I'm curious about is, if I do enjoy spankings, would DD really work for us? Can DD lead to something deeper? And is this a good way to break my hubby into being more dominant? 


  1. Hi there!
    I saw that I had a new follower, so I figured I would check you out since you already know what I am up
    I can relate to this first post for sure, and I think you will enjoy blogging, getting to know people who are in different stages of ttwd.
    Sometimes DH will be more dominant than others, it is always there in the bedroom, but out of it, is still not always where I would like it to be. Baby steps, Right?

  2. I think that baby steps is a very realistic and helpful approach.

    As to DD, it's not something I have personal experience with. If you enjoy spankings, they wouldn't seem to be a suitable punishment, but the possibilities are vast...
    Will it work for you? Only you can figure that one out.

    Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with starting in the bedroom and then trying to let it creep out naturally.

    Over time, I have come to believe that nothing encourages Dominance more than submission--making a choice to submit, to defer to his opinion, to yield just a little bit more on a daily basis...

    Anyways, you're right--baby steps is the way to go!

    Good luck, and welcome to Blogland.

  3. Hello Truth
    Thank you for following me.
    Well done, I think you we're really brave the way you came out and said it as it is.
    I personally like some types of spanking but hate punishments. I think it's all down to the intent behind them, the way in which they are given. The look in his eye, his demeanour. I do think it is possible to be a spa ok yet still be held accountable with the threat of spankings.
    Good luck in your quest. Many of us are still toddlers with the baby step thing ;)

  4. Hi, Truth. Thank you for following me as well. I agree with Janey in the sense that it's the meaning behind why they are being given. My husband and I started a D/s dynamic before finding DD, and even though we practice DD 24/7, we still have a very great emphasis on Dominant/submissive acts in a sexual sense. I think DD can evolve into something very deep, but baby steps is right. I am newer to it all, and it sometimes can get confusing. I enjoy spanking, but I don't like the punishment ones...especially if I know he is truly upset. It doesn't feel good at all. I think that what you have shared here is very open and honest, and good for you for being true to yourself. Welcome to blogland!!!

  5. Hi, Truth!

    Here's the thing:

    If DD isn't what you really want, I wouldn't put it to him that you do.

    Baby steps, yes, but I wouldn't call submerging into the entire DD lifestyle baby steps. I'd call starting in the bedroom and then letting it slowly creep out baby steps.

    Congrats on your confession! Those initial conversations are SO hard - even when you haven't been married for ten years!

    I'm here on the other end of a decade + marriage where we started out with him knowing I was kinky, but he too thought it was something of a game for a long, long time. 6 years (and lots of letters and hard conversations) later he finally got the idea, and now it's just a tad tiny wee bit shy of perfection. :) But I think it might be confusing to start DD if that's not what you really want ultimately.

    For me, I prefer my "punishment" to be play and to hold myself accountable - but I do like a good punishment for failing to perform up to expectations - (like if I'm too tired and I fall asleep before (or once DURING) sex). Every couple has to find their own balance though.

    Up to the two of you, of course. :)

  6. I have always wanted to know the truth so here is my chance. Welcome and good luck with your journey. I believe where ever you start in the bedroom with DD, slowly, quickly all that really matters is that you started. Now it gets interesting.

  7. Hi Truth! Thanks for following me! I am not really into DD either. Just the D/s aspect. BUT I think that in D/s, there is a little DD if you want a 24/7 relationship. I am not an expert by far as I have only come out of the closet six months ago and we are moving at a snail's pace, but the two books that has helped me the most is The Surrendered Wife and Conquer Me. The Surrendered Wife is in my Nook and I try my best to read one chapter a day and as soon as I finish it I start over at the beginning. If you submit he WILL dominate. JasonGirl over at The Taming of the Shrew has a great post on the subject ( Best of luck to you! I will be reading!

  8. Hi Truth,

    Welcome to blogland!

    I see many of my friends have already met you and given you good advice & support, I'm so glad. I myself really identified with what you said about 'confessing' to your husband and waiting for his reaction/acceptance of this whole other side of you. I just went through that a few months ago myself, sweating bullets and all, lol.

    My hubby is happy to spank me in the bedroom - it was a totally foreign concept to him, poor guy - but it's not a dominant thing as much as it's a playful or erotic thing, and I'm having to be ok with that. And I am doing better with allowing him to be who he is just as he's allowing me to be who I am. It's a work in progress - baby steps is right! But it's definitely a good thing - our marriage relationship is SO much better than it ever was. :)

    So glad you are here and will be sharing your experiences and thoughts with us ~

    :) Cali

  9. Welcome to blogging! I hope you enjoy the experience.


  10. Hi Truth, and welcome!

    Discussing your desires with your husband and the blogging community is much more than a baby step. I love how you used Pinterest to bring this up (much better than power point!)- modern technology is truly wonderful. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice, being a novice just sorting through all this myself, but I look forward to reading more about your journey.


  11. Hi Truth,
    Congrats on Coming Out about your needs!
    I do believe in a DD lifestyle dynamic and have been a HoH style Dominant man for about 30 years. IF both partners are interested in DD and willing to communicate with each other about it, DD can be a wonderful relationship choice.
    You nailed it when you mentioned Research and baby steps. That's exactly how to begin integrating a DD dynamic into your existing relationship.
    I look forward to coming by and reading here!
    # MrBBSpanker

  12. Hi Truth :)

    Welcome to blog land :)

    Oh that first confession, scary or what ?? Lol I think it was a very creative way of doing it through Pinterest, and kudos to your man for taking time to look and respond the way he did :)

    Baby steps is a great idea, moving slowly and getting comfortable with each step before moving to the next will make you strong :)

    I like gettin spanked, took me sometime to admit it, but I'm a closet spanko and still live a dd life. Punishment and discipline have a different feel to them. It's more an internal, head thing. Knowing its because you have broken an agreed upon rule and upsetting your man or your dynamic, will make it feel different to the fun type of spanking.

    We started out as very strict dd dynamic and are now slowly venturing in to the D/s in the bedroom. Baby steps too :)

    The good thing about TTWD is you can tailor it to suit your needs as a couple :)

    Hugs x